The confession

A few assignments later, Mir knew that he couldn’t keep warding off his ‘feelings’.


Every time Joon sat with him, he became nervous, and hot. His eyes wavered; he couldn’t look him in the face. On the first day, Mir had only been awed by Joon’s outward appearance. Later on, he came to know that Joon was the most funny, energetic person he had ever met. Mir considered himself fairly straightforward and sociable, but Joon had the ability to make anyone his friend, and stick with that person forever. He was constantly amazed by his amicable personality, and his ability to decide his moods according to each situation. He was always a bit of a goof, but he knew when it was time to get serious. He had the peers, and the grades. It was easy to believe that Joon graduated with top grades.


All in all, Joon matched Mir’s personality. Mir also was open to anyone and everyone. He could create conversation with an old grandma and still leave satisfied. And everyone loved Mir in return. He was highly popular, not because of his looks, though they were there, but because of his outgoing character.


Mir was attracted to Joon day by day. Everything about him was a highlight he could not miss. Joon’s friend, Jinki, was therefore, there to purely make him keep up with the homework. As Mir became more and more infatuated, he grew more and more depressed. He could only think about how he loved Joon, and the possibility of him being gay. Homosexuality was not something he disliked, but it certainly was not something he considered to be a normal relationship.


Lee Joon apparently worked as a trainee in J.Tune Camp, and so was unable to talk with or inquire about Mir after school. After seeing that Mir was not writing as energetically as he did before, his teacher called up Jinki and Joon to ask them to talk to him. However, due to the constraints, Jinki alone went to discuss with Mir. From then on, it had been Jinki who asked Mir about his problems. If only he knew it was because of Joon.


Each writing assignment of Mir’s consisted of either preachy, droning topics, or a self-deprecating, helpless tone. He often wrote about his emotions, asking for help from the receiver if it was a letter, or writing pages and pages for diary entries, as it was his best outlet. Never was his topics to a point- it was always very ambiguous, to fit his feelings. He couldn’t reveal that he felt suicidal because of his attraction towards Lee Joon. And so he very vaguely wrote for help and about his depressed self in his compositions.


With these, his personality changed as well. Cheondung was shunned from conversation- in fact, everyone was. Aside from Jinki, and the occasional Joon, Mir ignored everyone. He was not the fun-loving, jovial Mir anymore, but the depressed, indifferent Mir. As soon as he reached home, he took out his assignment and began to vent his feelings. He made one copy for school, and multiple others for himself to keep. He had that much to let out. It was hard to accept that one had a crush and that there was a possibility of being rejected, but it was different altogether when it concerned a boy having a crush on a senior boy.


It all finally crashed down when Jinki and Joon provided Mir with their address. He was apparently free to drop by to talk at any time.


And so, Mir finally decided to confront Joon, and cope with whatever was the outcome.


He reached their apartment and trudged up to their flat.


The front door, was unusually, ajar. Mir turned about he corner to get a better look, but stopped in his tracks.


In front of him stood Jinki and Joon, locked in each other’s embrace, busily snogging each other. They pulled themselves tighter as the lip-lock grew intense. Joon finally opened his eyes to look at Jinki, and carry him inside, but instead, spotted Mir, frozen. His expression was genuinely, surprised and anguished at the same time.


“Mir, um, do you have anything to talk about?” he asked after turning Jinki around to face Mir.


“No- I’m sorry I disturbed you- really,” Mir uttered and dashed down the stairs before anyone could say anything else.


Mir ran back to his house, tears streaming down his face, and went up to his room immediately.


The latest assignment was a poem, and Mir was ready to write it.


The next day, Mir was called to his class room after school. As he walked in, he noticed that his teacher, Joon, and Jinki were waiting for him.


As soon as he saw Joon, he looked down, trying hard for the tears to stop forming. He knew what was going to happen.


He sat down and looked at his teacher.


“I think you have a lot to tell your partners, Cheolyong. Please, express yourself.” she started, as she handed him the poem he submitted. He specifically addressed it to Lee Jinki. It was more of an angry scolding than a poem. “We noticed in your past assignments that you’re very depressed, and mad. Can you talk about it?”


Jinki stepped up. “Is something wrong, man? If it’s about that day, you saw us- I’m sorry. We’re sorry.”


Indifferently, Mir pulled out a slip of paper from his bag and handed it to Joon.


“This is for you,” he said, and stood up. He slowly walked out of the class.


The paper read:


Oh, I can’t tell you about me Who wants to reach your heart Like the starlight hidden behind the cold clouds I love you, in the end, this painful confession That lingers at the edge of my lips slide down in tears.


They understood what Mir was implying, finally. But he was outside. They had to save him.


They were too late. Mir had entered his demise.


Mir stepped into the middle of the road, and stood still. No expression was seen on his face. And in the few moments before the car crashed into him, he thought of himself in Joon’s arms, with his lips on his his. He thought of his paradise. His Joon.


And he smiled. He was finally happy.



Just to clear things up, Mir dies (sorry). Do you like it? And do you see where my foreword was going now?


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